Lots on my mind today

So today I just started thinking. Like a lot. And first off I started to think of how much walking I actually do. Especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have a class 15 minutes away. I found that I really like walking. It's almost like driving to me. Calming and relaxing. I only wish I could jam out to my music like I can in the car. Blasting super loud and singing obnoxiously. Haha. If only.

Also, I find my self being drastically altered in what I do, and how I do things because I'm with Carly. I find myself saying things that she does. Acting like she does sometimes, and liking what she likes. E.G. I used to like the cold a lot better than the heat, but now I find myself cringing away from the chill and cuddling into the warmth. Idk, maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see or I'm just psyching myself. Who knows.

And there was one other thing that I wanted to talk about... but alas, I can not remember. I hate that. Stupid faulty mind.

I'm have to go to a Sona experiment now.

Bye.

Just one of those things that you feel

It's another day, another strife. And like always, there's some sort of tension between her and I. Days like this just make me realize something; that I'd do anything for her. Idk what suddenly changed a while back, but I can see myself with her in my future. There's so many things I wanna do, so many places I wanna see, just with her. When do you finally know that you want to spend your life with someone? Is this it? I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I want nothing more than for us to last. Forever. I know it may seem like a silly concept, but it makes me so joyous just to know that there is someone out there that loves me as much as I can love them, and that that person is finally with me. Sure, we may be separated at the moment, but it will only be a short while in the whole grand scheme of things. Wow, I sound like a love sick fool. Well maybe I am! And I love it. I've never felt anything like this before. Like I couldn't life without her. Like when I was finally apart from her, I just shut down. I don't know what exactly happened to me, but I couldn't function correctly. It was the weirdest thing. I just knew I had to be with her. And in some aspects I'm glad that it happened. I'm glad that I was finally awakened to how I actually felt and how much I truly loved her and needed her. I will be with her forever, and spend my life with her.

Sorry for the sappiness, lol. Just one of those days, ya know?

Another one of those...

Hello, this is another one of those emo, depressing, retarded, selfish, LOOK AT ME! rants. So if you don't give a shit, nor don't want me to waste your time, then I suggest you just hit alt+F4 if you're on windows or option+Q if you're on a mac.

Well, don't tell me I didn't warn you.

This is also fueled by sleep deprivation and more than depressing music.



Where did I go wrong? How could this have happened? One mistake and I could've ruined everything. I was only doing what I thought was right. Why was I so retarded?! This is what brought us this close together. This is what finally showed me how much I truly love you; How much I want to be with you; how much I NEED you. Every moment I worry that you'll leave me. And how desolated I'd be. I need you.... Why am I not good enough for you?! Why can't you just forgive me and take me to be yours for all eternity... When did this happen? I've apologized over and over again. I've given you all I can, all I have. I would do anything for you if you asked it... why can't you believe me? Remember everything we used to be, how amazing everything was. How we knew each other so well. Nothing can compare to what I feel for you. It's true... you truly haven't forgiven me... I never meant for any of this to happen. Why did I think that I was right?! What a fool I am. Maybe I should just leave... I seem to just hold that hurt right in front of your face every day. I'm just a reminder of a month. What exactly am I to you? {Deleted portion that was me raging}

I never meant to hurt you.

Just...please....forgive me...

Intrigue

I love just walking to class and seeing that one person's face that just intrigues me. Sometimes it's the hair, sometimes, its the shape of the jaw. But people's faces are so intriguing. Like, not ONE face is the same. Even in twins. Although really similar. It's the small differences in ones face that I recognize instantly about a person. And I always wonder what cause me to be so intrigued about that one face I see. Is it because I see someone I know/knew in some aspect of the face? Is it because it's so different that I can't help but be amazed at the difference? I have no idea, but as that person walks by, I'm glad that just by existing you've made my day just a little bit better by that intriguing face. What intrigues you?

Music

Music. Its quite amazing. No matter how you feel you can always just listen to a song that fits how mood perfectly. Every song I listen to lately reminds me of her. Its just one of those moments in life I guess. You can never know or rather predict how you're gonna feel. Yeah, maybe you'll have a vague idea. But it's that mystery that makes it worth it to find out. If you knew how everything always turned out, what would be the point in do it? I don't know how I got off topic. HA. I guess my minds just running today. With so much to think about how can anyone keep their mind strait. College, girls, friends, family, music, Life. HA. Idk why I find that comical. I guess it's because I figure everyone has to always think of life. Is that a oxymoron? I don't even know. Thinking about anything is thinking about life. Isn't life everything? Are they synonymous? Well they should be. Well, I'm off to lunch and class.

So...today...

Yeah, today... Well there are a lot of things that have crossed my mind today. Being through this giant change of college and also being a psychology class gets my mind flowing to a many different things.

Have you ever been walking somewhere at a decent rate mostly in tune and rate with everyone around you and then all of a sudden one person takes out their ipod and instantly slow down? Well, yeah! Happened to me today. Just walking along and this chick takes out her ipod and instantly slows down. And I got to thinking, why is that? When someones mind changes it occupancy they tend to give other previous activities less of a thought so that a focused campus walk turns into a reserved more safe walk because you arn't concentrating on solely walking but now on the ipod. I just thought that this was intriguing how the mind can give many things brain power but then lessen the effect of a singular activity.

I also thought today, as I do regularly, how other people's lives are. I always try to imagine how their life is/was. Even just a random bystander. You don't even know everything your best friend has experienced or is experiencing. Even if you are doing the exact same thing EVERYONE experiences every event differently. Which is just supremely fascinating to me.

The reason for starting this blog, or blogging at all. And also an example of.

Starting this blog....Yeah, why? Well, I suppose the main reason is just for fun and kicks. Also, why not just have a place to write down all of your thoughts, memories, etc? I like feedback and comments about random stuff as well. So yeah. I realized the other day that I do my best thinking, or rather that the best of thoughts come to me, when I am mowing my lawn. My lawn takes about three ours to mow on the rider, two hours pushing and about another hour of trimming. So, I have some time. I was thinking the other day that a major key to happiness in my life is "chunking". No, not chunking like breaking something up into chunks, or playing "Minecraft" (although that game, albeit a bit mundane, is quite awesome) and destroying all other peoples blocks by chunking them into little bits. I mean chunking as in splitting things, such as chores, up into sections to complete. I mow in this fashion. Instead of just mowing the whole yard in a single loop over and over again I take the whole and split it down into sections, and with each section being completed I feel a sense of gratification in getting something done. And with each section being completed the sense of accomplishment gets higher until I'm finally done, and then when I'm done I feel happy for getting a goal done, whilst also feeling good consistently throughout the job because of my littler goals being completed. This can also be applied to many other things. Like video games for one. In Modern Warfare you play and level up every now and then. and every level is an accomplishment, and then every couple of levels you get a new gun, perk, etc. making it even more awesome. The game that I feel that has done this to almost the greatest extent is World of Warcraft (later will be referred to as "WoW"), which is probably the reason why its so popular, and so well liked. In WoW you've got so many thing to accomplish that its not that hard to get one done. Like, each two levels you get new spells or upgrades, so thats a small accomplishment, and the level 10 you get talents which have a whole crap ton of accomplishments in talent trees alone, and then level 20 you get a mount which increases movement speed, and the every ten levels you get even more spells than every two levels. And it just goes on and on. And even when you get max level it doesn't stop. So there. Another, yet the greatest example (IMHO) about the happiness of "CHUNKING". and of THAT is the example of my purpose of writting this blogg. Which i probably should've writting in another blog post, but ohwellz!